The lovely letter F courtesy of Jessica Hische of Daily Drop Cap!

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Sunday, July 7, 2013

Freakin' Funny Fashion Alert: Teva Stilettos

Warning, these exist:
I may be a little late to the party with these, but chances are if even I have only just heard of them, you may not have heard of them either. Just so we're clear what you're looking at, those are Teva sandals crossed with a stiletto. They are a collaboration between the hippie outdoor shoe company and Grey Ant, an "INDEPENDENT OFF THE GRID DESIGN TEAM," (their words). First of all, I hate all caps, second of all, I hate blatant omission of punctuation, so they have 2 strikes in my book, and then creating these hideous shoes makes 3.

Teva Original Universal, $50.00,
We've probably all worn Tevas or similar in our lives - they're great for camping, tubing the river, etc. I even used to wear some knock-offs when I was an avid hiker, preferring airy sport sandals to clunky hiking boots. So they do have their merits. There are many that wear them outside that realm, as actual "fashionable" shoes about town, but let's pretend that isn't a thing. 

Climbing a tree! via
The premise of these Grey Ant + Teva stilettos, "the most comfortable performance high heel on the planet," is ridiculous. Nobody needs both of those worlds colliding. We wear high heels for one world, one that is fabulous, glamorous and nowhere near latrines. We wear sport sandals for life in another world, filled with cargo shorts, hiking sticks and bandanas. Let's keep these worlds separate, please. I guarantee no regular gal is going to wish she had cuter heels to go hiking in. But alas, someone thought this was a great idea, and we have the horrifying result to prove it.
A wheelbarrow? Really? via

I thought maybe this was a joke, as it really struck me as too funny to be true. Or maybe they were just prototypes of a designer's lifelong dream that would never make it to production. But alas, they are in fact available to buy from, for a cool $330. For that price, my shoes better get me on a best-dressed list, not give me better grip on a mountainside.

Please weigh in on these - would you ever, EVER wear them? If so, you'd better give me a darn good reason. Go!

Currently listening to: Vampire Weekend


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